if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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