If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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