i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize