I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
