Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
