Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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