his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
