at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
