I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
