I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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