Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
