You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize