You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
