Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
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He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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