1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
