my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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