I think my vagina is haunted
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
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