We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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