How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
