Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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