I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
