so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
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you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
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At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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