don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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