she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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