Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
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He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
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I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
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