I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
she smelled like a LAN party
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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