I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
he just fucked me for my cheese.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
