Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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