he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
