Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
