My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
