i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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