Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
