Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
