shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
