She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
pray to the hookup gods
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
The Olympian is in my bed
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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