My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
