I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
