Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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