i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Randomize
