i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I just made out with a guy for $7.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
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