why didn't you poke me back
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
