As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
