dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
