Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize