I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
