in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
