We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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