A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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