if we break up, who will get the dealer?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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