ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
