The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
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Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
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You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
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