mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
