I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
