You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
it was like having sex with a tree stump
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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