New low: just hacked my moms facebook
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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