My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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