I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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