we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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