well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
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