I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
