I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
