Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
