I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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