I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
