ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
