I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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