I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
